The online debate rages: Should you be friends with your child?
With echoes of Amy Poehler saying “I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a COOL MOM” in Mean Girls, some profess that they have to be on their child’s level to get the scoop. The caricature of these friend-parents includes allowing underage drinking, failing at jargon, and standing idly by as their kids make prodigious mistakes.
And in the red corner: the heavy-handed authoritative parents step into the ring. Like the God-fearing residents of a pre-Footloose Beaumont, they worry that if they give an inch, their child will take a mile. They clutch to their parental role as the only remaining thread of a severed rope preventing their child from plunging into the abyss of egregious deviance.
If you’re even asking yourself this question, you’re far from the reason for parenting.
It’s preposterous to think that loosening the reins will result in the child running wild and, conversely, that your child won’t open up to you if you don’t feign interest in One Direction. You can build structure and define expectations without being domineering. And you can have common interests and a repoire without being a pushover.
Your goal should be to build a RELATIONSHIP with your child. That relationship should be built on trust, respect, and communication (and those all go both ways). Aiming for or avoiding a “friendship” has no bearing on any of these pillars. The more caveats, restrictions, rules, or expectations you attach to the relationship, the more you limit what it might become.
So instead of asking whether you should be friends with your kids, why don’t you think about whether your child really knows the authentic you. Consider if you’re staring at your phone when you could be engaging with your child and whether you’re really modeling healthy behavior. We can dedicate our love and energy to more productive parenting ventures than labeling the relationship.