“I just want my baby to be happy and healthy.”
I’ve heard it time and time again. Parents possess this altruistic mentality in the hope that their child will breeze through an uncomplicated life. It’s beautiful, noble, and stupid.
I’m not concerned with the “healthy” part, that’s the part we should keep. A healthy diet, plentiful physical activity, and sufficient sleep are the easiest ways to set your child up for success. Furthermore, we need to ensure that children have healthy social sustenance too: attention balanced with independence and appropriate empowerment.
But then “happy” comes along.
It’s not the hope that a child is happy that’s dangerous (of course we want the child to be happy). But it is concerning that parents too frequently use instant gratification in lieu of a healthy structure.
Sometimes a parent will allow a sweet they otherwise would not have when the child had a rough day. Or bedtime is particularly flexible one night because the parent wasn’t returning home in time. Or the child just wants to veg out and watch TV even though he hasn’t run around yet that day. The parent obliges to make the child happy and directly negates the healthy initiative.
There are examples of situations where the happiness-inspiring action doesn’t specifically conflict with healthy behavior: giving a gift, being falsely enthusiastic, or giving bizarre amounts of affection. These can make the child happy, yes, but if a parent indulges his child too frequently, the child’s equilibrium of neurological chemicals and behavioral expectations gets shoved off-track.
I’m not arguing against finding nice things to do for your child. But there’s a world of difference between “I saw this and I thought of you” and “Since you’re sick, here’s a new Xbox game!” Make sure that the action is authentic and appropriate.
True happiness, or at least a more sustainable, more realistic happiness, is not an influx of stuff or attention. As a manny, I’ve witnessed drastic improvements in mood and behavior by focusing on the “healthy” approach to the physical, emotional, mental, and social aspects of life.
So let’s all repurpose the trope: “I just want my baby to be healthy so she can be happy.” Build a healthy structure. Happiness will come.